Breaking Bad Habits: Life After University/College
I’m excited to publish an article in this month’s edition (October 2019) of Dear Enlightened One online magazine.
This inspirational online platform brings together spiritually-minded entrepreneurs and everyday light workers (individuals with a calling to raise collective positivity and consciousness in our world.)
It’s incredible how much this community is growing and how exciting it is that so many people have been waking up to their highest potential. Furthermore, realising the interconnection we have with every single human being, let alone living organism, on our planet. Therefore, it’s so crucial in this present day that we tap into the deep, limitless level of compassion that resides within, driving us to serve everything and everyone around us.
“Stepping through the world of spirituality can be an incredibly exciting and meaningful journey, one that offers more than any of us can experience in a single lifetime.”
My article focuses on how to break the bad habits we’ve managed to create for ourselves.
University has without a doubt been the most memorable and character-building experience of my life so far.
What I found most remarkable when beginning was the opportunity to be whoever you wanted to be for the first time amongst brand-new people.
It was as if any past mistakes or jaw drop worthy embarrassing school moments vanished into oblivion, and for the tender, fragile teenage ego, a chance of rebirth at such a sensitive time in life.
Leaving home to arriving at uni, however close or far that may be, is a daunting episode. It’s hard to avoid being struck with fear and anxiety over the realisation of leaving home for the first time. Growing up, you felt as if once you turned 18 or whenever you first left home, that you’d be this self-actualised adult just like every other ‘grown up’ in the world.
Reality hits home that you’re not ready, and further down the line you’ll realise, are you ever ready? The fantasy we have as children that grown-ups have it all figured out is one of the greatest false illusions of our childhoods, and university is the first step in learning that life is just a never-ending process of personal development and change.
As someone with a very sociable and enthusiastic nature, I was already 2 and a half years into drinking alcohol and living for the party. So naturally, when Freshers Week began, I dived head first into every opportunity to go out and meet as many people as I could – 80% of the time under the influence and consequently waking up to amnesia and 20 new Snapchat friends; most of whom I couldn’t even put names to faces.
Despite going out 3,4, sometimes 5 nights a week, it was remarkable that most mornings after I woke up were relatively hangover free. I felt like I was invincible and enjoying the freedom of this new life experience so much, it was hard to look back.
Without realising, the demon of indulgence that had been hiding in the depths of my personality, waiting for an opportunity to present itself was in luck.
As the weeks went by, binge drinking and devouring foods laded in grease at 3am quickly became a regular part of life. Caught up in my independence and lack of structure from my irregular uni timetable, a lot of my sense and motivation for accomplishment seemed to go out the window; not to mention circadian rhythm.
Then the habits started to engrain. Always looking towards the next big night out and opportunity to get completely obliterated, just to then soothe the woozy next day tiredness away by consuming calories upon calories of deep-fried takeaways.
In between times, I’d be vigorously working off all that food and drink at the gym and ordering the latest cute new tops for my next night out. All the while, consumed by the superficiality of social media and comparing myself to the people I’d barely even met to assess my social status. Many people say, “when you go to uni, popularity goes out the window as there are just too many people around you.” But from my own experience, there was definitely an air of the “be cool or why bother” mentality still lingering around groups of people that I came across. And as someone that has dealt with much insecurity through my teenage years (like so many of us), I was absorbed by the thoughts in my head telling me to be and act a certain way to be accepted and respected.
What I didn’t realise until close to the end of my uni experience, that by trying so hard to be and do all these things to become the person I thought I needed to be – I was actually running further and further away from the person I really was.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want this to sound totally negative as I’ve made many amazing friends and memories throughout uni and I wouldn’t change any of it for the world.
It’s from a personal development perspective that I’m learning I wasn’t always being true to myself and mindlessly forming habits which have resulted in physical consequences which I’m paying the price for now.
Becoming aware of bad habits
If you find yourself unhappy in certain situations or feel like you’re being held back by something, it’s important to explore where these feelings come from to get to the root of your problem.
Becoming aware of the things that hold us back is the first and perhaps most crucial step in the letting go process as it’s from here that we can form a plan of action and work through.
Unwiring bad habits
Despite being aware of the tendencies I have accumulated and consciously wanting to release them, it’s much easier said than done as habits are installed deep in your subconscious. So, when social situations present themselves to me, I automatically start thinking about how much money I’ll need to bring to spend on drinks and whether that’ll be enough to sustain me into the early hours.
Now aware of this and wanting to change, I’ve already made progress in drinking less and leaving earlier to ensure I’m still getting a decent night’s sleep. This is great, but throughout I’m always experiencing the nagging voice in my head telling me to just let go and do what I’ve been doing for so long now as that’s what’s comfortable and easy.
It can take a long time to unchain ourselves from our bad habits and despite being an advocate for mindfulness to become the best version of ourselves, I struggle hard to overcome the familiar thought patterns of my ego. After all, I am a human being and just like everyone else, we all share the human mind, complete with every emotion under the sun.
Patience & persistence
Remember, baby steps. It’s easy to become impatient with the slow and often times excruciating process of letting go of what we’ve outgrown.
As humans in our modern society, it’s also easy to be critical of ourselves when we slip up on the road to release.
Interestingly, it’s the tiny successes and growth spurts that we make along the way which make us triumphant as habits are rarely broken overnight.
We need to be gentler and loving to ourselves – praising when we say no to temptation and actively choosing the option that will better us in the long run. As perfectly imperfect beings, of course we’ll have slip ups and give in, the mental challenges in habit breaking are so fierce that there will be times when the circumstances around you might cause you to snap and that’s perfectly ok. The sooner you forgive yourself and move on, the easier it’ll be to get back on track. Feeling guilt and hatred towards ourselves only creates more internal stress and imbalance, causing more problems than giving into the habit itself.
The beauty of release
The fundamental obstacle in letting go of what no longer serves us is being certain all the way into our subconscious that we do not NEED this habit in order to feel good and have fun.
Find ways to create new experiences out of the same situations by focussing your attention on something else and doing that. If that’s too hard, then you quite simply need to stop revisiting that situation and find something else to do which avoids association to the habit.
Ultimately, the ego doesn’t like being bored and so wants to stay entertained. Like a child, it will stop complaining if you give it a reason not to. So, in preparation for when a situation arises where your habit will spring up, think about or research what you can do instead to distract yourself.
Loving kindness
There’s no doubt that the experience of university is all consuming.
Like living in a bubble, you are to an extent shielded away from the real world and all its responsibilities as you go about attending lectures (or not) followed by socialising.
You get so used to doing this that of course, it’s a big shock to the system when the experience ends, and you’re forced to join reality.
As we grow through a highly complex and fast-moving society, all we can do to keep our heads in the game is take each day as it comes and be kinder and gentler to ourselves.
If you’ve identified a bad habit which you depend on to enjoy the moment, give yourself a pat on the back! At least you’re aware of it and you’re willing to tackle this issue!
Always remember, no matter whether you’re trying to break a habit or not, you are enough exactly as you are right now. Revel in the truth that you’re doing the best you can wherever you are in life at this present moment.
If you liked this post, check out my other guest blogs I’ve had published, here!
Sign up to my mailing list on the homepage. ➡️
Keep up to date with all things mind body soul on my social media channels!
Namaste friends,
Tori xoxo
